Flu house – the week from hell.

Flu House: aka the weekend where all hell broke loose, or shittest fecking week ever, OR a hilarious tale of how the family got really, really sick and Heidi ate her words.

I can safely say that the past week has been the hardest ever for our little family. And that includes Miss Gs surgery. The whole house came down with varying sicknesses, and it fecking kicked our arse. Really.

The week leading up to when all hell broke loose a few things happened. We were happily planning a much needed trip away for the weekend with some good friends. Husband damaged his disc (in his back not a cd) yet again, so was off work and unable to do anything. He had started complaining of a sore throat but not called a doctor so surely not that bad. I suspected at this point it was man flu, teamed with a bit of ‘done-my-back’ grump. Miss G was brewing yet ANOTHER ear infection. I swear is about infection 8 thousand. And I had a cough that was keeping me up at night but nothing crazy.

Thursday: when it all began.

On getting ready for work in the morning I realized Miss G’s face had swelled on one side. It’s happened once before (because of, you guessed it ear infection) so we weren’t concerned. I asked mum to keep me posted about how she looked. Husband was feeling shit, and telling me so. I was nodding and saying yes yes but really I was ignoring him. Man flu I thought. Off I went to work.

Walking out of work that day, called mum “how was Miss G doing”, she calls out to dad. Not too bad, a bit more swollen but shes happy at least.

Get home. Full, fecking chipmunk face on Miss G. WTF mum and dad? I was slightly worried, us going away, no close hospital if something was wrong, but she didn’t seem phased at all so we just laughed at her cute little lopsided face and got on with life. Husband on the other hand was really starting to repeat the feelings that he was feeling SHIT, and had a really sore throat, and why didn’t I care.

That night in bed, he shivered. All night. It actually shook the bed, and not in a good way. Of course because I was such a great wife I got angry at him and said if you are really this sick then you need to cancel our trip away and god almighty book yourself into the doctor, and why is it always me telling you that you have to go to the doctors. He agreed. That should have been my first hint that something wasn’t right.

Friday: the day of Heidi’s realization.

Morning broke at the usual heartbreaking time of about 6:00am. Husband was still feeling really sick. I was still diagnosing man flu, in need of a dose of harden the F up. Miss G’s face was still ridiculously lopsided and chipmunk like. Both her and husband were booked in to the doctors and we broke it to Miss 4 that we weren’t going to the shack. She was sufficiently devastated. But then got over it and asked for cookies.

By this time I was quite irate with husbands ‘lack of ability to just get up and get on with life’. An argument ensued where I suggested above mentioned dose of harden the F up, and offered amazingly helpful advice such as “it’s just a cold” and “you just have to stay positive”. He replied with loving reponses like “who even says that to someone sick” and “where did you come from”. I’d like to SIDENOTE here: I really am a shitty wife. Sometimes I actually don’t know why husband puts up with me. I’m not sympathetic AT ALL and get angry when he wants sympathy. Proper shit wife.

Okay back to the story. Miss G goes to the doctor and nothings wrong. She happily smiles and laughs when the doctor pokes and prods her, as usual.

Husband’s appointment later that day resulted in a diagnosis of “your wife’s a bitch”, or also known as he had INFLUENZA and a lung infection. I was suitable sheepish, offering multiple apologies, which lucky for me husband graciously accepted. I flicked into full 50’s wife mode with lots of “what can I get you”s and “ohh let me get a pillow for your head” etc etc. All the while husband smirking a smirk of “I was dying and you were a bitch”. And me having to just cop it on the chin because I WAS A BITCH!!

Saturday: It’s coming to get you Heidi

Husband had an awful night. And an awful day. Literally dying on the floor most of the day. Shivering. Walking around the house with blankets around him, a shell of a human. Literally death on legs. I busted my guts to make up for being such an awful human being to him.

I kept the girls busy away from daddy but by that night Miss 4 was starting to cough and I wasn’t feeling very well. Husband, the ever amazing human being he is, sincerely wished for me that I didn’t get what he got.

Saturday night: oh holy feck, shivers. So cold, can’t get warm. Damn you I’m getting it!!!

Sunday: Retribution

The universe has spoken. Karma is biting me in the arse. You were a bitch and now you must pay. I literally had waves of goosebumps all day. I lost my hunger. My ability to think. My will to live. I was scared shitless because I had seen the dead person walking all week and I didn’t want to go there. There was much sucking eggs, eating my words and generally apologising for ever uttering those words “it’s just a cold”. Not deserved, but husband was amazing. He did all the things I should have.

Progressively over that day, of course, Miss 4 got more sick. Her cough turned into bark (as usual). It reached it’s climax when she was in bed and coughed until she vomited. About 8 times. All the while I’m walking around with leggings, trackies over the top and three jumpers on, cursing that the heater (cranked at 30 degrees) wasn’t hot enough. We were falling to pieces.

Monday: Rock bottom

I woke up on Monday morning and actually whimpered to husband. My sinuses were so painful I felt like my head would explode any second. The pressure behind my eyes was so much that I could feel my eyes bulging, threatening to pop out of their sockets and clock husband smack bang in the middle of his forehead before bouncing around the lounge room. The lenses in my eyes must have curved because it felt like my vision was a fish eye camera lens. I couldn’t do anything much more than sit on the couch, stare into space, covered in blankets, mouth open and nose running down my face, not caring. The doctor diagnosed a sinus and lung infection for me too. Lucky meee!!!

It wasn’t until Wednesday that husband and I started feeling slightly better. I woke up Wednesday and could feel the shift. I wasn’t shivering, or cold, or needing to chow down on panadol. Walking from bed to the couch still puffed both of us out but we didn’t want to stab ourselves with the corner of a box of tissues.

Our days, sick together pretty much consisted of me, husband and Miss 4, moping on the couch. Dragging ourselves up only for food (which we forced down because none of us wanted to eat), or the toilet. Miss 2, impervious to actually feeling crap when sick, just danced around us, offering cuddles for anyone who needed them and generally had a great time. No family wanted to come in our doors. Thankfully parents left soup deliveries. We had dishes from 4 days piled up in the kitchen. We ate chocolate and chips and donated soup. Dad quite accurately said when dropping a delivery off “jeez you guys look like zombies”. Yes dad, don’t come in we will eat your eyeballs and pull out your healthy heart to feast on.

But we are well on the road to recovery now. Feeling like humans again. Hell we even went and swam laps today. I can honestly say though, winter and the flu, you can feck off to back where you came from. Bring on Summer. Oh yay and gastro season!!


Stay healthy,



Pulled pork

Easily one of my ultimate favourite recipes. Its absolutely delicious, its leftovers are so amazingly versatile, it freezes well and its so bloody easy. Its a make in the morning and leave all day kind of recipe. Like seriously. You need a slow cooker, so if you don’t have one, borrow someones (but seriously you need one in your life anyway!)

Unfortunately, at one point in the cooking process your house literally smells like pig. Not like yummy porky flavour, more like a Royal Adelaide show animal barn pig smell but dead. TRUST me though, once the sugar starts to cook, it mixes with the cooked pork smell and it is something spectacular. As usual, my quantities are an estimate, but I will tell you how to check your balance as we go along.

Piggy plate - pressed and fried pulled pork, roasted pork belly and pork crackling
Piggy plate – pressed and fried pulled pork, roasted pork belly and pork crackling

Before you start, just a word of warning. This recipe isn’t healthy. Sorry not sorry. Its salty and sugary (and teamed with crackling is fatty as a heart attack victims arteries) but dear lordy is it good. Do it every now and then, but do it well.

Okay here we go…


Pulled Pork


Pork roast (I usually do it with 1.5-2kg of meat, the recipe works with sizes anywhere  around this) – doesn’t matter what type, just without a bone. I like skin on because then I have an excuse to make crackling (hells yeah)

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

A good quantity of sea salt

Maple syrup (or if you don’t have this BBQ sauce works well too) – about half a cup

About 2 tablespoons caraway seeds

Olive oil

2 cups chicken stock (homemade, no added salt or salt reduced)

Method – I usually do this in the mid morning to lunchtime but have done it before work and come home to it before with good success.

If your pork roast has skin on it the use a sharp knife to fillet off the skin and fat underneath it in one big sheet. Put aside for sweet sweet crackling.

Grab your slow cooker and slap in your pork roast. Drizzle olive oil over it, sprinkle about two to three good pinches of salt on it and the caraway seeds and give it a good massage. Treat your piggy well, you gotta treat your piggy well!! (that’s meant to be a song).

Then, sprinkle over the sugar, give it a good drizzle of maple syrup and pour the chicken stock over the top. If you are around during the cooking process, get a large spoon and spoon the liquid over the meat every half hour to hour. If you aren’t, it will still work, it just wont be as moist inside.

Cook it in your slow cooker on low for about 6 hours, or on high for about 4 hours. The longer on the slow setting the better.

Once the cooking time is over, taste your liquid. You need to make sure the balance is right. It should be a perfect mix of sweet and salty. Too sweet and it’s sickly, too salty and it burns your tongue. So if its more than one, add the other. Too salty, add brown sugar. Too sweet, add salt. Keep stirring and leaving it for about a minute before you taste again.

Once your liquid is perfection, use a mug to pull out most of the liquid around the meat. DO NOT THROW THIS BABY AWAY, it’s liquid gold. Get out two forks and in the slow cooker pull the meat apart. Use the forks to flake the meat off.

Ready to slow cook away
Ready to slow cook away

From here you have two options, the quick one and the ‘next level shit’ one.

The quick one – Once you’ve got it all ‘pulled’ then add the liquid back, little bit by little bit. You want it to be moist but not piggy swimming in the soup. Then you are ready to go!

The ‘next level shit’ – put all your liquid in a large frying pan or a large pot with a solid base. This will take ages if you do this in a saucepan without a large area on the base. Bring it up to the boil and then reduce to a nice simmer until it thickens and starts to go syrupy. Don’t let it burn because it will turn to toffee. Pour your thickened sauce over your pulled pork and mix it in.

I usually serve pulled pork with roast potatoes, cabbage with caraway seeds and red wine vinegar and of course pork crackling. Leftovers are amazing in a Vietnamese roll, on pulled pork pizza, in a soft taco or on sliders. Amazement.

Pulled pork pizza with fresh slaw
Pulled pork pizza with fresh slaw

Hit me up with pics or comments on your pulled pork adventures. I love food pics, so bring them on….

Happy cooking!




Banana Bread

There’s certain recipes that just get repeated in our house, and banana bread is one of them. It’s super simple to make and is perfect with a cup of tea in the afternoon. The hot tip is to toast it in a sandwich press and then slather with butter. It’s amazement in a loaf. So let’s get straight into it.


Banana Bread


1 cup brown sugar

1/2 cup of buttermilk

50g melted butter

About 2-3 bananas – about 1 cup mashed

2 eggs

1/4 cup honey

1 1/2 cups plain flour

1 cup self raising flour

1 teaspoon baking powder

2 teaspoons mixed spice

About 1-2 tablespoons oats for sprinkling


Preheat your oven to 180 degrees – moderate oven.

Mix all the wet ingredients together with the sugar.

Sift the dry ingredients on top and mix gently until combined.

Pour into a tin lined with baking paper and sprayed with oil, sprinkle the oats over the top.

Bake until a skewer comes out clean, which will take about 45 mins to an hour.

Seriously, that’s it. Saaahhhhh simple! Do it now.

Happy cooking,




Crack-nola – otherwise know as granola

Granola, yoghurt parfait
Granola, yoghurt parfait

This shit is addictive. I’m warning you, it is. Anyone within a 5km radius can’t resist this granola. Mother-in-law was babysitting one night and had to cover it in tea towels so she couldn’t see it anymore. My mum seems to magically appear at our door step everytime I’m pulling it out of the oven. And husband, literally takes it to work on the daily. So you have been warned.

But guess what? It’s also great for you! Loads of nutrients, good fats and some sneaky slower-released sugars, make it a much better snack to reach for than say, chips, or biscuits, or muesli bars. It’s got heaps of fibre in it, which keeps those bowels nice and regular (yes I’m 87 years old and care about bowels). And kids love it.


So here it is:

Crack-nola granola.


In one bowl:

1.5 cups rolled oats

1 cup dessicated (not dessicrated) coconut

About 5 big handfuls of nuts, use whichever take your fancy

A handful or two of seeds, I usually use pepitas and sunflower seeds.


1 teaspoon cinnamon

In another bowl:

Approximately 2.5 cups of dried fruit, chopped. I used dates, cranberries and sultanas this time, but apricots are also awesome in this.


Random other ingredients:

Maple syrup, golden syrup or honey in a squeezy bottle or all three

Oil – preferably olive oil, sunflower or canola



Preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius

Line two baking trays with baking paper

Spread the dry mixture across the two trays.

Drizzle with oil over the lot. Then microwave your maple syrup/honey/golden syrup for about 20 seconds so it is runny. Be super careful because it can get extremely hot. Then squirt these across the trays too. Mix it around with a spoon. You want it to be just wet, not dripping.


Put into the oven and keep checking even 10 minutes or so, stirring it around every now and then to mix the browned bits through and bring the uncooked bits to the top. When it starts getting golden, check it sooner. When it is almost done (flat white brown) sprinkle the dried fruit across the trays and put it in for the last bit until your granola is perfectly brown. It wont be crunchy at this point so don’t be disappointed.


Let the trays cool and once they are crunch up the granola to your liking. I like to leave some clusters there, but if you want it more separated, be my guest.

Serve your crack-nola on yoghurt, for breakfast with milk, as a snack in a bowl, over fruit salad or any other bloody way you like!

Happy Cooking,


Welcome back


Well welcome back to me that is!image


After a few too many requests for recipes of the foods I post on Instagram I have decided to start writing recipes. Here’s how it will work, I will post my pictures. If you want the recipe, comment “recipe please” and I will write it up on the blog. As husband says, simps (that’s simple by the way). If you want certain recipes, then ask and ye shall receive (within a realistic time frame that is, I AM a mum remember). I have toyed with (and been encouraged to) the idea of you tube videos of “cooking classes”. Apparently I’m a good teacher and also entertaining too. I’m not ready for that yet, but just a warning, it may happen. Prepare to laugh (at me, not with me I’m sure).


I may add in general posts when I feel the need, I’m finding myself with more time now so I feel like I can manage it again. If you want the rambling to stop, then tell me so. I will swiftly ignore you and continue to ramble. Sorry-not-sorry.


So, if you have been wanting recipes, hit me with those requests and I’ll start writing. I have a few golden oldies up my sleeve that I will post in the meantime.


Happy cooking y’all,



Doing it all, and failing.

Sometimes you just need to know when to tap out. And this year, I have made it a point to tap out. Last year I tried, and failed, to do too much. I’m not very good at admitting that I can’t “do it all”. It’s what we are told these days as mums that we should be able to do. Admitting that we can’t do it all, feels like failure. It feels like people are watching and laughing (although that’s one thing I usually don’t care about). And most of all it feels like you’re not good enough as a mum.

There’s so many pressures we put on ourselves these days. Perfect parenting, perfect food, perfect body, perfect career, perfect wife, perfect friend…seriously the list goes on. And it’s not until you sit back and think about the trade-offs of each of those, that you actually realise that it actually isn’t possible. Last year I tried to do it all. And did a crappy job of it. There’s a saying that’s been going around my head a lot lately and that is “something’s got to give”. And it’s true. Something really has to give when you try to do it all. If you put your all into your career it means less time with your kids and husband/partner. If you put all of your time into your kids then your sanity suffers (well mine does). When you try to do something that fulfils your passions, you have less time to spend with your friends. There is always a consequence of putting time and effort into an aspect of your life.

I know everyone says it’s all about balance, which it is, I get that. But balance is really hard when you are someone like me, who likes to nail whatever they decide to do. I start something and then want to give it my all. Almost like an addiction. And other parts of my life suffer. After trying to put my effort into too many things last year (and being left absolutely burnt out by the end of the year), I did some thinking and came up with the decision to tap out. To admit to myself once and for all that I can’t do everything.

I spent some time with a very close person to me who just happens to be a new mum. She was acting exactly like every other new mum in the world, doing an amazing job yet doubting herself and her abilities. And that is what breaks my heart the most about this, that we all feel like we are doing a shitty job when we are doing bloody amazing just being us. I wish more mums talked about not being able to do it all. I think the mental health of every other mum in the world would benefit. The less we feel like we should be “nailing it”, the more it gives us “permission” to focus on what really matters to us.

So here is me, admitting to the world (albeit very small world of readers) that I CANNOT do it all. I’m tapping out from this notion that we have to be amazing at everything. I have cut back. I am focusing on what matters most to me, and am not feeling guilty or shitty about the fact that I’m saying no to some things and some people. And do you know what, when I really think about it, I am 100% happy with not being able to do it all. It’s quite refreshing actually knowing that I can admit that I’m not good at some things.

So to any mums out there feeling like they have to be societies view of the “perfect mum”, I say fuck that!

You are enough.

You are amazing.

And you don’t have to do it all.


Shit-fight central

So it’s been a bit errr long since I have written here. And I’m not going to apologise or explain. It just has.


It’s going to sound a bit random when I launch now into a complete bitch about my children right, but seriously, they are driving me cray crayyyy. And yes I understand I am not young, and cool, and kids probably don’t even say cray cray anymore but I say it sarcastically peeps. That too.


We have entered the domain of actual shit-fights here people. Oh my lordy, these two are way beyond what my mental capacity can handle at the moment. I feel like I am repeating myself, all DAMN DAY!! Calm down girls, don’t hurt each other, calm voices please…. Miss G please stop biting your sister…. oh god jeez Miss Biz stop tackling your sister to the ground….REMEMBER YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS…..ah feck it no-ones listening to me anyway.


Our two little girls are polar opposites in terms of personality. Seriously. We have one Miss Biz who is emotional. And sensitive. Not just sensitive as in she gets upset easily (she does by the way) but sensitive in terms of temperature changes, sounds that are different, colours that are brighter than usual, wind that is more that a breath, and clothing that is anything other than super soft. All of these are cause for a good ol’ cry in her eyes. Not to mention anything that her little sister does or does not do to her. Including, her not saying she is her best friend. Oh dear that’s a sure fire cry sesh!


Miss G on the other hand is the opposite of emotional. Nothing touches her. Tell her off and she looks at you like “is that all you got lady?”. Miss Biz says to her (in her ‘loud’ voice) “stop I don’t like it” and she just goes right on doing whatever it was she was doing. Miss Biz pushes her away and she just pushes right back. Harder mind you! Put her on time out and she grins at you happily, sitting ever so still and waiting till she is allowed to come off. So keeping that in mind, here is the current (recurrent) situation in our house….


Miss Biz is playing along nicely.

Miss G see’s Miss Biz and thinks hmm I’d like to have some fun. Goes over and decides to wreak havoc.

Miss Biz says “stop I don’t like it”.

Miss G pays no attention.

Volume increases on Miss Bizs’ request to stop.

Miss G continues with more effort.

Miss Biz starts a scream, not a real scream, kinda like a eeerrrrrrrrrrrr (real high pitched though).

Miss G realises she is getting a great response here, continues with more effort.

Miss Biz starts crying.

Miss G bites Miss Biz.

More crying.

Mummy comes in for the millionth  time to tell them “remember sisters are best friends, we don’t hurt our sisters, Miss G biting hurts Miss Biz, Miss Biz mummy can’t think with all the crying, etc etc etc”.

Miss G slaps mummy in the face just for kicks.

Miss G get’s put on time out and smiles while she’s on there like she’s the most well behaved little angel their ever was.



So yeah sorry about the bitch-fest but it needed to be done. I promise that the next post will be a bit less hard on the kiddies. But hell, all the mums out there know where I’m at.