Welcome back

 

Well welcome back to me that is!image

 

After a few too many requests for recipes of the foods I post on Instagram I have decided to start writing recipes. Here’s how it will work, I will post my pictures. If you want the recipe, comment “recipe please” and I will write it up on the blog. As husband says, simps (that’s simple by the way). If you want certain recipes, then ask and ye shall receive (within a realistic time frame that is, I AM a mum remember). I have toyed with (and been encouraged to) the idea of you tube videos of “cooking classes”. Apparently I’m a good teacher and also entertaining too. I’m not ready for that yet, but just a warning, it may happen. Prepare to laugh (at me, not with me I’m sure).

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I may add in general posts when I feel the need, I’m finding myself with more time now so I feel like I can manage it again. If you want the rambling to stop, then tell me so. I will swiftly ignore you and continue to ramble. Sorry-not-sorry.

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So, if you have been wanting recipes, hit me with those requests and I’ll start writing. I have a few golden oldies up my sleeve that I will post in the meantime.

 

Happy cooking y’all,

 

Heidi

Doing it all, and failing.

Sometimes you just need to know when to tap out. And this year, I have made it a point to tap out. Last year I tried, and failed, to do too much. I’m not very good at admitting that I can’t “do it all”. It’s what we are told these days as mums that we should be able to do. Admitting that we can’t do it all, feels like failure. It feels like people are watching and laughing (although that’s one thing I usually don’t care about). And most of all it feels like you’re not good enough as a mum.

There’s so many pressures we put on ourselves these days. Perfect parenting, perfect food, perfect body, perfect career, perfect wife, perfect friend…seriously the list goes on. And it’s not until you sit back and think about the trade-offs of each of those, that you actually realise that it actually isn’t possible. Last year I tried to do it all. And did a crappy job of it. There’s a saying that’s been going around my head a lot lately and that is “something’s got to give”. And it’s true. Something really has to give when you try to do it all. If you put your all into your career it means less time with your kids and husband/partner. If you put all of your time into your kids then your sanity suffers (well mine does). When you try to do something that fulfils your passions, you have less time to spend with your friends. There is always a consequence of putting time and effort into an aspect of your life.

I know everyone says it’s all about balance, which it is, I get that. But balance is really hard when you are someone like me, who likes to nail whatever they decide to do. I start something and then want to give it my all. Almost like an addiction. And other parts of my life suffer. After trying to put my effort into too many things last year (and being left absolutely burnt out by the end of the year), I did some thinking and came up with the decision to tap out. To admit to myself once and for all that I can’t do everything.

I spent some time with a very close person to me who just happens to be a new mum. She was acting exactly like every other new mum in the world, doing an amazing job yet doubting herself and her abilities. And that is what breaks my heart the most about this, that we all feel like we are doing a shitty job when we are doing bloody amazing just being us. I wish more mums talked about not being able to do it all. I think the mental health of every other mum in the world would benefit. The less we feel like we should be “nailing it”, the more it gives us “permission” to focus on what really matters to us.

So here is me, admitting to the world (albeit very small world of readers) that I CANNOT do it all. I’m tapping out from this notion that we have to be amazing at everything. I have cut back. I am focusing on what matters most to me, and am not feeling guilty or shitty about the fact that I’m saying no to some things and some people. And do you know what, when I really think about it, I am 100% happy with not being able to do it all. It’s quite refreshing actually knowing that I can admit that I’m not good at some things.

So to any mums out there feeling like they have to be societies view of the “perfect mum”, I say fuck that!

You are enough.

You are amazing.

And you don’t have to do it all.

Heidi

Shit-fight central

So it’s been a bit errr long since I have written here. And I’m not going to apologise or explain. It just has.

 

It’s going to sound a bit random when I launch now into a complete bitch about my children right, but seriously, they are driving me cray crayyyy. And yes I understand I am not young, and cool, and kids probably don’t even say cray cray anymore but I say it sarcastically peeps. That too.

 

We have entered the domain of actual shit-fights here people. Oh my lordy, these two are way beyond what my mental capacity can handle at the moment. I feel like I am repeating myself, all DAMN DAY!! Calm down girls, don’t hurt each other, calm voices please…. Miss G please stop biting your sister…. oh god jeez Miss Biz stop tackling your sister to the ground….REMEMBER YOU ARE BEST FRIENDS…..ah feck it no-ones listening to me anyway.

 

Our two little girls are polar opposites in terms of personality. Seriously. We have one Miss Biz who is emotional. And sensitive. Not just sensitive as in she gets upset easily (she does by the way) but sensitive in terms of temperature changes, sounds that are different, colours that are brighter than usual, wind that is more that a breath, and clothing that is anything other than super soft. All of these are cause for a good ol’ cry in her eyes. Not to mention anything that her little sister does or does not do to her. Including, her not saying she is her best friend. Oh dear that’s a sure fire cry sesh!

 

Miss G on the other hand is the opposite of emotional. Nothing touches her. Tell her off and she looks at you like “is that all you got lady?”. Miss Biz says to her (in her ‘loud’ voice) “stop I don’t like it” and she just goes right on doing whatever it was she was doing. Miss Biz pushes her away and she just pushes right back. Harder mind you! Put her on time out and she grins at you happily, sitting ever so still and waiting till she is allowed to come off. So keeping that in mind, here is the current (recurrent) situation in our house….

 

Miss Biz is playing along nicely.

Miss G see’s Miss Biz and thinks hmm I’d like to have some fun. Goes over and decides to wreak havoc.

Miss Biz says “stop I don’t like it”.

Miss G pays no attention.

Volume increases on Miss Bizs’ request to stop.

Miss G continues with more effort.

Miss Biz starts a scream, not a real scream, kinda like a eeerrrrrrrrrrrr (real high pitched though).

Miss G realises she is getting a great response here, continues with more effort.

Miss Biz starts crying.

Miss G bites Miss Biz.

More crying.

Mummy comes in for the millionth  time to tell them “remember sisters are best friends, we don’t hurt our sisters, Miss G biting hurts Miss Biz, Miss Biz mummy can’t think with all the crying, etc etc etc”.

Miss G slaps mummy in the face just for kicks.

Miss G get’s put on time out and smiles while she’s on there like she’s the most well behaved little angel their ever was.

FML.

 

So yeah sorry about the bitch-fest but it needed to be done. I promise that the next post will be a bit less hard on the kiddies. But hell, all the mums out there know where I’m at.

 

Heidi

 

Surgery…. 1 year on

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Saturday marked 1 year since Miss G had her cleft palate surgey. I absolutely cannot believe it has been a year! That year has gone quick!It definitely feels like worlds ago that I was sitting in that hospital willing the time to fly and for our little girl to be better. For her pain to be gone, her constant agitation at anything in her mouth to be gone and for our little cheeky girl to be back.

Refreshingly though, it really does feel like the whole cleft palate never happened, apart from the ears of course (talk about that in a second) but we had that with The Biz so it doesn’t really feel very different. She eats, drinks, talks and basically is, just like any other little toddler finding their way in the world (albeit about 100 more medical appointments than your average kid I’d say).

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The number one question that people ask is it affecting her speech. And of course it’s the hardest to answer. My darling girl is a chatter box. She has definitely established herself well in a family of talkers and already knows how to make herself heard. She loves to copy words and now phrases and will yell at me if I’m not looking at her when she is talking (something she has learnt from big sister of course). We of course understand her, but it’s hard to know if she is forming words as she should, especially seems The Biz practically came out talking conversations (well obviously not really but was speaker much more clearly at this age). The reason it is hardest to answer is because Miss G is a little too clever. We have persisted with 2 speech assessments and Georgie is yet to say more than one word at an appointment. She has even been talking away in the waiting room only to clamp her mouth shut the second we get in the door. The speechies have been lovely and have listened to me trying to replicate how she says things and have watched videos of her talking and have been very understanding to my I swear I’m not making this up. And they are not concerned, but still, I’d REALLY like to know for sure.

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Surgery wise, the Prof (Professor David David) is very pleased with his work. He has ensured me that she will grow and develop as any other child would and that she wont need re-surgery which is amazing to hear. I can think of a million other things I would rather do than put my girl through that again. And confirmation came via the ENT who had said that she had the most beautifully repaired uvula (ha ha look it up, it’s in your mouth not elsewhere) he had ever seen.

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While we are talking about the ENT, may as well report on the bloody ears. Quite literally sometimes. So as a part of the surgery, cleft kiddies have grommets put in. From what I can gather it is because when they swallow they don’t clear the fluid from their ear tubes, so they can get something called glue ear and apparently grommets help prevent this. Miss G’s grommets seem to be acting as a drainage vessel and every time she gets a runny nose, we see (and smell)  fluid coming out. Disgustingly it smells, and she gets really irritated with it sometimes causing her to stick her fingers in her ears and scratch, hence the bloody ears. She has been on nearly continual antibiotics, sometimes working, sometimes doing F-all. I question their use and really think the successes have been coincidence but hey, I’m not the doctor am I. We have a review next month with our incredible supportive ENT so I am hoping to know more after that.

But apart from that, this kid is thriving, quite literally. She grows, she plays, she loves, she lights up our days. She is a hilarious kiddie and has a personality that I can see will challenge us very much when she is in her teen years, oh boy! She is the definition of cheeky and already knows how to manipulate all three of us. Already. She is definitely going to keep us all on our toes but she is evened out by a most gorgeous and cuddly personality too. She gives more cuddles than The Biz ever did and will literally cling on like a koala. Difficult sometimes, but mostly very welcome cuddle time!

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So time will tell whether the cleft will impact our little girl any further. From this whole experience we have already learnt so many lessons as a family, as a married couple and for me as a mother and if that is the reason it happened then the universe has done well. We are happy to take each year as it comes and support our little fire cracker in anyway she needs it.

Life is good,

Heidi

These two “best friends”

Miss G plotting her next trick??
Miss G plotting her next trick??

Well it has hit and it has hit hard. I no longer have a 3 year old who is enthralled by her sister and I no longer have a 1 year old stoked to have a big sister. I have two scheming little shit-stirrers who’s main interest in life at the moment is to annoy each other to the point of screaming. Annnddd this makes mummy want to scream too.

 

It probably doesn’t help that we have had ear infections, colds, gastro, teeth and still CRAZY busy weekends.

 

Miss G has gotten waayyyyy to good at razzing up her older sister. She knows exactly what toys to take or what things to stop her from doing that will get maximum impact. She is a cheeky little git and doesn’t care about getting told off so is almost unstoppable. I have seen her wave things in The Biz’s face and then run off, or throw things she knows her sister wants purely just to get a rise. As a side though, I actually know she does this because I distinctively remember doing this to my big sis 😉 She has mastered the art of the death stare which looks pure evil and knows that she will get an impact with this one too. She also knows the words “no” and “stop” and the pushing actions that accompany this are a sure fire way of setting of the desired reaction in a big sister.

 

The Biz on the other hand is completely at the will of her little sisters tricks. She is the drama queen of the house and needs to cry and scream at every altercation. She gets easily overwhelmed, bless her little soul, and she is getting to her breaking point multiple times a day at the moment. I don’t think she was at all ready for her sister to come out on top so quickly and I can tell you she does not like it. I hear “she pushed me” “she hit me” “she said no to me” and my favourite “she’s rassing [harassing] me” all day long. The Biz’s motto is scream first, think later and it is doing my head in!!!

 

So this little Jak home has not been peaceful of late. And the poor man of the house has come home on more than a few occasions to a wife who instantly checks out mentally, sometimes retreating to the couch to curl up in the foetal position. I’ve been angry, I’ve been sooky and I’ve been thinking yup this mothering gig is kicking my arse at the moment.

 

Luckily, I’m pretty good at picking myself up when things are good. We’ve been talking a lot about how sisters are your best friends, how we need to “use our words” and how if you scream we can’t understand you. It’s been helping a bit but some days in the thick of it I just want to shut my head in the oven, pretty much just for 5 minutes of peace.

 

Don’t worry though, obligatory mum-guilt back-track coming up. There has been great times, like when as soon as Miss G sees her big sister’s sad face going in for a hug or a pat. Or times when she walks up to her big sister and plonks herself down on her lap. Or the beautiful sounds of hearing The Biz say to her sister “G you’re my best friend”. So even though I’m complaining, I’m not really complaining. I know this too will pass and in a year or two there may be some relief from the bickering for a while until we hit the real fights, the teenage years.

So thanks for listening to my cathartic exodus of issues and I’m hoping some of you mums out there can relate.

For now though, I’m going to sit here and enjoy the beautiful sounds of sleeping silence…..

A very belated update

So it’s been quite a while since I last wrote, and let me tell you it’s not from lack of trying! We here at the Jak’s have been having one hell of a crazy busy beginning to 2014. What with a new job for me, picking up an extra day, weddings, 30ths, parties, quick holidays, and general drowning feeling busyness has been taking up all of my energy and creativity. We’ve also been dealing with a bit of an anger issue too which has been pretty exhausting.

 

So the job. I am seeing all of the paeds that come to our site and this has been not just an amazing learning experience but so inspiring and fun. It’s the part of nutrition that I LOVE. It has been good to be working so much closer to home, 5-12 minutes to be exact (depending on random road works going on in our community). It is so nice to knock off work and know I’m rocking in to childcare 5 minutes later to have my girls run into  my arms. It has made a huge difference to the vibe in this ol house and also for the above mentioned anger issue. I feel much better working in the community I know and love and my headaches and eye twitching have almost, almost, gone away. While the job is not yet solid, it definitely makes up in paying the bills which is a nice change.

Events and parties have, in husband PBs words, been “off the richter”. Practically every weekend this year has been filled with at least one significant event and let me tell you that has taken it’s toll on the family’s levels of calm and also the bank balance. Don’t get me wrong, I have had some amazing fun and getting out of the house much more than usual but it would be nice to not always have to leave our girls with someone on the weekend or to just sit and relax for a few weekends (as much as our two crazies will let us that is). The BIGGEST highlight of the social calendar was watching my little sister tie the knot. I was so proud to be one of her matron of honours (shared with big sis of course) and was more than a bit emotional watching her walk up the aisle to meet her husband-to-be.

The savings have been going, hmmm, let’s say okay. Not as quick as I would like, and I’m still getting in trouble with husband for generally being a bit crappy at saving (I forget you see and then spend and realise, oh shit we said we weren’t spending) but it’s going in the upward direction. I have vowed to absolutely try to remember and meet our goals.

Annnddd lastly the anger issue. It probably needs it’s own post but The Biz has been showing her ahhh lets call it assertiveness in some interesting ways. Screaming and thrashing have become the norm and many things have been tried from food to behaviour charts to reading LOTS of googled information. The main things I feel have made a difference are a reduction in the amount of additives and preservatives that our little ones gets (her behaviour goes NUTS after a day of highly processed eating), sleep patterns and a bit less anger from us parentals. It sounds pretty obvious but we have worked out that for our girl, we cant fight anger with anger. Its counter intuitive and not successful. How can we expect her to calm down if our immediate response is angry words? So a combo of all of those three seems to be working and also an acknowledgement that if there has been a crazy busy day (a lot lately), or bad sleep (late nights have been fairly frequent too) then behaviour will decline no matter WHAT we do!

 

So that’s all I have time to squeeze in today but there you go, an update from cray cray land, otherwise known as The Jaks.

Goodbye 2013, I hope to never see you again…

Oh I’m just kidding, it wasn’t that bad. But it definitely was the toughest year we have had so far as a family. G girls surgery, the government cutting my units jobs while I was on maternity leave, moving, just to name a few. Let’s just say, we have taken both financial and emotional hits this year so we are very happy to be leaving 2013 behind.

However, we have a rather good (probably stupid) ability to still be positive, no matter what life throws at us. We are all looking forward to 2014 and the goals we want to achieve.

So last night I spent my New Years Eve at home with the girls asleep and furiously cleaning and organising the house. It was incredibly therapeutic getting rid of all the crap and preparing for a fresh start for this year. It gave me lots of time to ponder what we as a family wanted to achieve in 2014. At 11:55 on the dot I finished and I sat in the quiet and ate a chocolate treat and coffee and smiled my way into the new year (even though I was missing hubby extremely).

Number 1 is to SAVE. We are in the right frame of mind and are super keen to spend less this year and get ourselves back to where we were financially. This is going to be very hard for two spenders but we need to suck it up and start making bank.

Number 2 is probably my goal more that anyone’s but to try to eliminate as much processed food as possible. This I will be talking more about over at my new blog The Dietitian Mummy so I wont bore you too much but basically I think that The Biz might be a bit less agro if we cut out some of those preservative numbers in her diet. I’m sure the whole family will benefit from this anyway. One thing that will make this easier is my next goal (kind of not so much a goal)

Number 3 is trying to not let work take over my life. The last 6 months of 2013 I was traveling 3 hours a day for work and it was killing us. I felt like I missed out on so much of the girls being away even just for those 2 days so I have a position closer to home and am very excited to be leaving that travel stress behind. I’m hoping that the constant migraines and eye twitching that I was experiencing since starting that job will also go away.

Number 4 the husband and I are going to get fit again. Seems we have decided not to have anymore kiddos (and have taken the necessary ahhh precautions/surgery) I feel like this year is my year to get my body back to where I feel comfortable. And to me that means strong and fit again. I used to be extremely fit and that has been put on hold for the last 4 years so I’m super excited to be getting back into it.

and finally Number 5, which I’m pretty sure we make a goal every year but to enjoy the simple things. We feel so amazingly lucky and privileged to have all that we have and each other. My hope is that with a combination of all of the above goals, we will start to live a more simple life and be able to enjoy our little family as much as we can.

So Happy New Year to all, I wish you all every ounce of happiness this year and hope you achieve your goals too.

Heidi