Flu house – the week from hell.

Flu House: aka the weekend where all hell broke loose, or shittest fecking week ever, OR a hilarious tale of how the family got really, really sick and Heidi ate her words.

I can safely say that the past week has been the hardest ever for our little family. And that includes Miss Gs surgery. The whole house came down with varying sicknesses, and it fecking kicked our arse. Really.

The week leading up to when all hell broke loose a few things happened. We were happily planning a much needed trip away for the weekend with some good friends. Husband damaged his disc (in his back not a cd) yet again, so was off work and unable to do anything. He had started complaining of a sore throat but not called a doctor so surely not that bad. I suspected at this point it was man flu, teamed with a bit of ‘done-my-back’ grump. Miss G was brewing yet ANOTHER ear infection. I swear is about infection 8 thousand. And I had a cough that was keeping me up at night but nothing crazy.

Thursday: when it all began.

On getting ready for work in the morning I realized Miss G’s face had swelled on one side. It’s happened once before (because of, you guessed it ear infection) so we weren’t concerned. I asked mum to keep me posted about how she looked. Husband was feeling shit, and telling me so. I was nodding and saying yes yes but really I was ignoring him. Man flu I thought. Off I went to work.

Walking out of work that day, called mum “how was Miss G doing”, she calls out to dad. Not too bad, a bit more swollen but shes happy at least.

Get home. Full, fecking chipmunk face on Miss G. WTF mum and dad? I was slightly worried, us going away, no close hospital if something was wrong, but she didn’t seem phased at all so we just laughed at her cute little lopsided face and got on with life. Husband on the other hand was really starting to repeat the feelings that he was feeling SHIT, and had a really sore throat, and why didn’t I care.

That night in bed, he shivered. All night. It actually shook the bed, and not in a good way. Of course because I was such a great wife I got angry at him and said if you are really this sick then you need to cancel our trip away and god almighty book yourself into the doctor, and why is it always me telling you that you have to go to the doctors. He agreed. That should have been my first hint that something wasn’t right.

Friday: the day of Heidi’s realization.

Morning broke at the usual heartbreaking time of about 6:00am. Husband was still feeling really sick. I was still diagnosing man flu, in need of a dose of harden the F up. Miss G’s face was still ridiculously lopsided and chipmunk like. Both her and husband were booked in to the doctors and we broke it to Miss 4 that we weren’t going to the shack. She was sufficiently devastated. But then got over it and asked for cookies.

By this time I was quite irate with husbands ‘lack of ability to just get up and get on with life’. An argument ensued where I suggested above mentioned dose of harden the F up, and offered amazingly helpful advice such as “it’s just a cold” and “you just have to stay positive”. He replied with loving reponses like “who even says that to someone sick” and “where did you come from”. I’d like to SIDENOTE here: I really am a shitty wife. Sometimes I actually don’t know why husband puts up with me. I’m not sympathetic AT ALL and get angry when he wants sympathy. Proper shit wife.

Okay back to the story. Miss G goes to the doctor and nothings wrong. She happily smiles and laughs when the doctor pokes and prods her, as usual.

Husband’s appointment later that day resulted in a diagnosis of “your wife’s a bitch”, or also known as he had INFLUENZA and a lung infection. I was suitable sheepish, offering multiple apologies, which lucky for me husband graciously accepted. I flicked into full 50’s wife mode with lots of “what can I get you”s and “ohh let me get a pillow for your head” etc etc. All the while husband smirking a smirk of “I was dying and you were a bitch”. And me having to just cop it on the chin because I WAS A BITCH!!

Saturday: It’s coming to get you Heidi

Husband had an awful night. And an awful day. Literally dying on the floor most of the day. Shivering. Walking around the house with blankets around him, a shell of a human. Literally death on legs. I busted my guts to make up for being such an awful human being to him.

I kept the girls busy away from daddy but by that night Miss 4 was starting to cough and I wasn’t feeling very well. Husband, the ever amazing human being he is, sincerely wished for me that I didn’t get what he got.

Saturday night: oh holy feck, shivers. So cold, can’t get warm. Damn you I’m getting it!!!

Sunday: Retribution

The universe has spoken. Karma is biting me in the arse. You were a bitch and now you must pay. I literally had waves of goosebumps all day. I lost my hunger. My ability to think. My will to live. I was scared shitless because I had seen the dead person walking all week and I didn’t want to go there. There was much sucking eggs, eating my words and generally apologising for ever uttering those words “it’s just a cold”. Not deserved, but husband was amazing. He did all the things I should have.

Progressively over that day, of course, Miss 4 got more sick. Her cough turned into bark (as usual). It reached it’s climax when she was in bed and coughed until she vomited. About 8 times. All the while I’m walking around with leggings, trackies over the top and three jumpers on, cursing that the heater (cranked at 30 degrees) wasn’t hot enough. We were falling to pieces.

Monday: Rock bottom

I woke up on Monday morning and actually whimpered to husband. My sinuses were so painful I felt like my head would explode any second. The pressure behind my eyes was so much that I could feel my eyes bulging, threatening to pop out of their sockets and clock husband smack bang in the middle of his forehead before bouncing around the lounge room. The lenses in my eyes must have curved because it felt like my vision was a fish eye camera lens. I couldn’t do anything much more than sit on the couch, stare into space, covered in blankets, mouth open and nose running down my face, not caring. The doctor diagnosed a sinus and lung infection for me too. Lucky meee!!!

It wasn’t until Wednesday that husband and I started feeling slightly better. I woke up Wednesday and could feel the shift. I wasn’t shivering, or cold, or needing to chow down on panadol. Walking from bed to the couch still puffed both of us out but we didn’t want to stab ourselves with the corner of a box of tissues.

Our days, sick together pretty much consisted of me, husband and Miss 4, moping on the couch. Dragging ourselves up only for food (which we forced down because none of us wanted to eat), or the toilet. Miss 2, impervious to actually feeling crap when sick, just danced around us, offering cuddles for anyone who needed them and generally had a great time. No family wanted to come in our doors. Thankfully parents left soup deliveries. We had dishes from 4 days piled up in the kitchen. We ate chocolate and chips and donated soup. Dad quite accurately said when dropping a delivery off “jeez you guys look like zombies”. Yes dad, don’t come in we will eat your eyeballs and pull out your healthy heart to feast on.

But we are well on the road to recovery now. Feeling like humans again. Hell we even went and swam laps today. I can honestly say though, winter and the flu, you can feck off to back where you came from. Bring on Summer. Oh yay and gastro season!!


Stay healthy,



One thought on “Flu house – the week from hell.”

  1. Oh Heidi, heart felt sympathy goes out to you all. If it makes you feel any better, I am THAT wife too and I laughed my head off as I read your blog. It made David feel better that he isn’t the only one with such an unsympathetic wife. Love Belinda xxx

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